I had my first day back in radiotherapy today. This time it is quite different, and I am dealing with it quite differently I think. I am dealing with everything differently. I guess this is not unusual. There is a sense of ownership over the treatment now. Before, I felt as though I was the subject and I would be treated by the treaters. Now I feel like I am more in control of my treatment, and ultimately, feel as though God is in control. So I am less concerned about the treatment itself given this knowledge.
This knowledge was there before, but it is more profound this time around. Difficult to understand.
This time around, I am in the same room, but laying on my front. This may seem like a point not worth mentioning, but I feel there is quite a difference. Last time, I lay on my back while everything went on around me. I could see the decorative stars flashing on the roof, watch the machine do its thing, interact with people around me and see what was going on. This time, my head is locked in a mask, my eyes are forced shut, I don’t see the machine, and I have no idea who is in the room at different times. It makes a difference.
So much is going on at the moment. Too much for me to write down while I am dead tired.
