I am considering not having medical treatment. There is a combination of reasons. First, and foremost, is that I believe God can heal. This is my primary motivation. I want, more than ever, for God to step in and take the lump in my head, and everything else that is connected with the disease, away forever. I want to die of old age, and that is not within the near future.
It is at the point where things can go downhill quite rapidly. If the multiple myeloma is already present in other parts of my body, another stem-cell transplant would be recommended. My last stem-cell transplant was autologous, using my own stem cells. The next one would be allogeneic, using someone else’s stem cells. These may be from my sisters, or an unrelated matched donor.
In either case, it is a risky process, far more complicated than the last one. The risk of graft-versus-host-disease is a real concern. The efficacy of the process is not great anyway. On top of that, Dr Brad recommends that if I choose to go down that path, it would be best to go into it while I am feeling well and in peak condition. He is basing this on the fact that for my last stem-cell transplant, my creatinine levels were so high, and my kidneys compromised so much, that the risk is high I wouldn’t make it through the procedure. He would be reluctant to put me through this knowing this – good idea, I agree. So a lot depends on the results that come through from the scans.
The desire for God to step in is great – edging the outer rim of desperation. I am going to see friends Geoff and Ruth on Monday to be prayed over for healing. Apart from being long-time family friends, Geoff was my Sunday School teacher when I was 8. They have both been a loving influence through life, and they have set up a place where people come to be released from the power of mainly drug and alcohol addiction. They invited me down the other day to be prayed over, so I am going to do that. I really, really want to be released from this sentence. At this point, realistically, medical options are becoming limited, risky and unpleasant. As if they were ever pleasant.
Stories about God healing, and stories about Him not stepping in are there too, probably same in number, but so difficult to talk about. A story in todays news got my attention – talk about timing. I don’t know the full story at all, but it was definitely something that got me thinking. Read it here.
The biggest thing we have had to deal with in all this is that Elizabeth and I have gone through a devastating separation. There is little point in trying to explain the circumstances in order for it to all make sense, so I am not going to. We both still have a deep love for each other, and being apart has been incredibly difficult for both of us. In the context of what is going on health-wise, the practical implications of caring for each other have had to be worked through, and will continue to be. Although I am not writing much here about this aspect of life at the moment, it is an incredibly important aspect of what is going on. Elizabeth remains the most amazing person to walk into my life, and is the most loyal friend a person could ever be privileged enough to have.
